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f.r.i.e.n.d.s.

img_7477Just how important are friends?

For me, friends are really important as you grow and be the person that you ought to be. They are just like your family, they guide you and be there for you if you need someone to talk to. They stay no matter how messed up your life is.

In my life, I’ve made quite a bunch of friends. But there’s this certain group of friends that is really close to my heart. Probably because we’ve grown old together and have witnessed each other’s weaknesses. The good thing about this group is that they never left. They stayed and been very understanding to each other. I have known these certain friends of mine during my high school years. And yes, we’ve remained friends up until today. In fact, I don’t consider them as friends already. I consider them as my family - a very important part of me.

For the record, the boys in our group have vices and I think it’s pretty normal among guys these days. The good thing is, they did not encouraged us to drink and smoke with them. In fact, they hate the thought of it. They made us stay away with it. They respected us and took care of us (girls). See, when the girls are with them, no matter how late it is, they make sure that we go home safe and would even accompany us home to be sure that we’re okay. And, the good thing is, they never took any malice or whatsoever. We treated each other as family, so there was no courting or whatsoever involved among us. Furthermore, they protect us from the not-so-good guys.

img-2104The girls, on the other hand, are somewhat the spoiled ones. Why? It’s because if we go out together, our preference has always been granted. They may complain but they do give way to us. We, the girls, are like sisters separated at birth. We shop together, dine out and just like any other girls, we talk and talk and talk.

The best thing about the friendship I found in them is that we never took each other for granted. We sympathize to each other and cheer each other up if problem arises. We comfort each other when we’re down. We laugh and cry altogether. Through the years, our friendship has been tested but thankfully, it has never been broken. We stayed for each other. We’re one.

For this reason, I can proudly and confidently say, I’ve found my best friends, my true friends.

in my life, i love you more

dsc00171There have been quite a lot of people who took parts of my life. Some stayed, while others went on with their journey. Some have even hurt me, some made me mad, some taught me to hate, while others taught me how to love. Different kinds of people, different styles, different ways of touching my life. However, there’s this certain group of people I cannot live without. No matter how mad, angry or upset I am with them, still, I cannot afford to take a step forward without them - my family.

Just like any other families in the world, mine is not perfect. Fights do come off with my siblings, you may call it sibling rivalry if you want to. But, yes, it’s common especially when we’re just kids and tend to just fend for ourselves and be blind to the others. With 5 children in the family, who would expect that the children would never quarrel nor the house would be serene, right? As a member of the family, I picked sides and have been biased to my siblings before. I usually hate those that do not conform to my standards and most often than not, I pick a fight with them.

Furthermore, as a child, I rebel too. There came a point where I’ve hated my parents so much. Guess the time, it’s the teenage years. I once hated my mother for leaving us without even understanding that it’s for our own good that she sacrificed the distance. I hated her for being away and for not being there during celebrations for I want her to be there. Just there - within my reach. To be there whenever any of the family member is sick and to be there when I wake up in the morning and see her dress in front of me and letting me fix her hair. Guess what? I hated my father too! I hated my father for being so hot headed, for being very impatient and for raising his voice whenever he’s mad. I hated him for doing something not good in the past. For making me witness my mother crying. However, that was a very long time ago. The hatred vanished already.

By and by, I have learned. I have come to understand and appreciate them. As I am writing this, I am ashamed of myself for hating them for reasons so shallow and so childish. This is because though my family is not perfect, but they are very loving, after all. Now, allow me to introduce my family - how I once hated them and loved them now.

My brother Mark

For the most part, he has a long list of slip ups in the family. I hated him for that. He’s the free spirited one and the happy-go-lucky type of person. He’s also the spoiled brother who usually gets what he wants and sometimes, he goes out of his way. Again, I hated him for that. However, now that I have learned, I have appreciated him and loved him ever. No matter how many slip ups he’s done, still, when my parents are not home, he takes the role - disciplines and looking after us. See, whenever he’s home, he sees to it that we are well fed and cooks scrumptious meals for us to enjoy. Though he is the most strict brother I ever have, he is the sweetest too. And just like any other eldest brother, he sees to it that we, the girls, don’t get astray and waste our lives. He has been a role model for me and made me swear to myself to never do the drinking and the smoking. He taught me to never imitate him as we are not alike.

My brother Jonathan

My brother Jonathan is the shy one. I never really have problems with him except for being the lazy sibling that he is. This is because, he never really do household chores. You still have to force him or get really mad at him before he’ll do what he’s told. He’s stubborn, yes. However, he is the calm type. He seldoms get angry and really knows how to keep his cool. In fact, it has been years since I’ve seen him really angry. He’s the type who would just stay quiet around the corner. For this reason, I admire his understanding as well as they way he keeps his patience at bay. He taught me how to tolerate and how to understand things without getting angry. Just like my brother Mark, he is sweet too! He shows his affection in his own little ways because as I have said, he’s the shy one.

My brother Marvin

Among my brothers, he’s the closest one to me. I can easily open up to him. I do remember during my first year in high school, he has been my best friend. I share my secrets to him and I confide in him. I also hang around with him for quite some time. He has always been open to me and shares his insights to me. For this, he taught me how to be open. He taught me how to communicate. I do hate him at times when he underestimates me though I know he does this playfully only. And there was this time that he hurt me. I don’t know if he knows this, but I cried and was deeply hurt when I knew he’s going to be a father. Maybe a part of me is jealous for he will not be there whenever I would want someone to talk to. But, he defied my fears and have stayed the way he is back then. I am actually proud of what he has become today.

My only sister Shanel

Shanel and I are like cats and dogs before. We never come into terms and would fight even with inconsequential matters. Among the siblings, we have the biggest sibling rivalry. Maybe because we’re on the last and we’re outnumbered by boys. Lucky, my parents have played fair to the both of us. Maybe they do this to keep us from fighting. LOL! However, today, she has become my best friend. She may not know it, but we’ve been very close lately. Without my mother, we have learned how to look after each other’s needs. Probably because we’re the only girls in the family and we’re the only ones who can understand our needs as girls. I love my little sister a lot and no matter how stubborn she is, I’ve come to tolerate her at times.

My Father

Like I have said a while ago, I hated my father for things I have mentioned. However, now that I’ve grown and matured, I feel really ashamed for nurturing the hatred. My father is really sweet and a very understanding man. I love how he would wake up early just to drive me to the office before. I mean, he can go to his office anytime he wants to but he usually wakes up early just to spend time with us. I love how he would drive for me whenever I ask him to. I love how he takes note of the things I love and how he tries his best to provide the family. My father may be very short tempered, but when it comes to grave situations, he’s able to understand. He knows and understand that people commits mistakes and we are not perfect. When serious situations come up, I admire how he keeps his cool and talk calmly about the situation.

My Mother

Yes, there came a time when I have hated her (refer to the things I’ve mentioned above). Yet, now that I have matured, I am also ashamed for hating her. I love her and I really do. I appreciate everything she does for us. It is through her that I have learned how to give. She inculcated that in me. She taught me how to love unconditionally and how to help those in need. It was through her that I learned how to be thoughtful and caring. What amazes me though is the way she shows she loves us no matter how far she is. See, even though we’re countries and a thousand miles apart, still, I can feel her love - her unconditional love. And, just like anyone else in the family, she has become my best friend too. I confide most of my problems with her. She may not know it, but sometimes, when I am really down, a chat with her could always make my day already. She comforts me and tries to make me laugh when she senses that I need some cheering up.

Now, I know my family will never be like your family. Some of you may have a worse situation that my family has, while some may have a better one. Yet, no matter what the situation is, learn to love them and appreciate them. You’ll be very amazed by how much love you can actually give and feel when the time comes that you let them enter your world, your being, your existense.

To my family, no matter how many friends and lovers that would pass by, in my life, I LOVE YOU MORE.

Learnings.

me and him

In every relationship, shortcomings usually do exist; stressful times you cannot resist. My relationship with my guy is just like that. Occasionally, we experience stressful times too. However, with those stressful times, a lot of learnings have been earned.

See, for the most part of our two-year relationship, I have always been the taker, the demander and the winner in every argument. It’s rare in our situation that I would step down and understand him or I would ask for forgiveness. It has never been that way, for the most part. And now, I have realized it should not be that way. Sometimes, I have to understand, sometimes I have to give in, sometimes I have to respect and sometimes I have to step down and let him live a life he wants. These things have never crossed my mind, not until today. This is because I have always been busy thinking about myself and have been busy being the brat that I was.

Last week has been really stressful for the both of us. I have demanded things…things that are actually present already, which I failed to acknowledge and appreciate. For this reason, he could not understand me anymore because the things I have demanded have been heartily given already. Why in the world would I demand it again? We had on and off fights regarding the issue to the point of breaking up already. He’d gone tired but I don’t blame him though. He’s been stressed out for two years through following all my demands and without his demands being heard. As I have said, I have always been the taker and was seldom the giver.

Selfish? I know.

Unfair? I know.

Fortunately, we had a talk about our shortcomings and, boy, was I amazed with all my shortcomings! I have lots actually. Not just one or two but MANY. I have failed to see him. I have failed to acknowledge and appreciate him. Mostly, I have failed to treat him as a person and respect his existence. I was too busy with myself getting everything I want to the point that I have forgotten to look out to my partner and listen to his needs. I have been one-sided in our relationship and have never taken him into consideration. While sitting on my laurels, I have forgotten him. While enjoying the success, I have neglected him.

Mean? I know.

Heartless? I know.

See, being the brat that I am, it’s going to be hard to adjust myself to this situation. A part of me will always rebel to get the thing that I would demand in the near future. But I do hope I can manage to fight with myself for him. I hope I can outwit myself and have room for understanding whenever he would deprive me of such demands. I pray I can be very understanding when my demands are not met. I pray I can always outsmart my bratty attitude because in the most part, I can’t. Yet, I do hope you’ll help me pray.

For this my friends, I have learned that it’s not because you are the girl, you should always be the taker and the demander. Sometimes, you have to step down and look out to your partner’s needs. Sometimes, you have to listen and most of the time, you have to treat your partner as a person and not just a somebody. It’s a must to respect each other’s being and understand each other’s short comings. After all, we’re not perfect and we’ll never be.

A Simple Note For You

Dear,

We have reached the second year already. I know our relationship is not perfect, not even close. But I do hope the love we share is enough to make you stay amidst the frequent shaking of the sail. You do not have to prove anything to me already. I know you well enough and I know how much you love me.

I know there were times when I took your feelings for granted and have been very selfish and proud. I know there were also times when I drove you away just because you won’t do what I want. For those times, I am sorry.

Thank you for understanding my shortcomings and for loving me despite my imperfections. Thank you for taking care of me, for standing by my side when I am down and for believing in me. Thank you for everything, Jev!

I love you a lot. And I intend to keep you as long as you want me too! :)

15 Facts About Joan Marie

Okay. I really enjoy all those meme’s scattered in the social networking sites. So, I took the pleasure of answering the survey I have came across with some time ago. Anyway, what you’ll actually find here are facts about me. No lies. Just plain truth. Enjoy!

1. Many people mistakenly thought I drink and smoke. Ha! The truth is, I do not have vices at all! I love hanging out with my friends and going home late with them but that does not mean I go drinking all night and smoking all the cigarettes around. Naaaah! That is so not me! You may see photos of me with friends drinking but don’t be fooled too easily like the others. The reason for which is maybe I have been surrounded with drinkers and smokers already. So, what’s the need to do those?

2. If you see me walking and think that my posture is weird, blame it all to my back. I have scoliosis. I have recently found out that I have a slightly deviated to the right spine column. I went to the doctor to have it checked and asked if therapy is needed. Luckily, it’s a minor case and therapy is not needed. Weepee! Now, that answers my question as to why my posture is quite extra ordinaire! :D

3. It’s a miracle if you can see me running around like a dog. I hate physical activities. I do not like anything to do with running, jumping or the likes. But, since I have a crooked spine, I am now forcing myself to go to the gym for the exercises that’s needed for my lovely spine. (Encourage me more please) more…

Rant For The Day

Forgive me for posting this. But, I really have to let my ill feelings out…

I am really pissed off today!

I HATE YOU A LOT!

Now, that was quick! Thanks for the understanding.

Going Back To My So-Called Mall

I woke up very early today, not the usual ME. Imagine me waking up 8 in the morning! That’s like WOW! A very big achievement, indeed. Anyway, I didn’t wake up for no reason. Of course there must be something that I need to do. Alas, I need to see my doctor AGAIN. For this year, the hospital has been like a mall to me. I’ve been entering and going out of it every once in a while. Just like yesterday, I was tempted to skip the appointment but the good conscience won. And so, off I went. more…

Slowly…Hoping

a poem written last 2007

Slowly, I am trying to move on
Trying to forget the past
Finding ways to forgive the mistakes
Hoping that things will all be well

Slowly, I am picking up myself from where I left it
Putting together the shattered pieces of my heart
Mending the wounds that cut through my soul
Hoping that someday I will be healed

Slowly, I am recovering from the heartbreak
Learning to live life once more
Coping the trials that set forth
Hoping one day I can truly live

Unintentional

a poem written last 2007

Alone in my bed
Preventing a tear to roll
Afraid of another heart ache
Swearing not to fall

I have been avoiding this for so long
Trying to ignore the feeling
Keeping my heart locked tight
Stopping myself with all my might

But how can this heart
Not admire a heart like yours
So stubborn yet so sweet
Tell me, how could I not let my heart beat?

Forgive me if I let myself fall
Loving you was not my intention at all

Just Me

This is a poem a wrote last 2006, I think? Or was this last 2007?

Just as I was about to shut the door
One guy opened it again
And again I fell
Never minding what others will tell

Must I really be like this?
A girl who is not afraid to love?
Risking everything just to be happy?
If that’s the case, then why do I feel lonely at times
Even if I know that one smile can always make my day?

God, I must have been crazy
Allowing myself to be like this
Ready to fall in a way I don’t know
A
m I really that weak when it comes to love?
Y
ou must be the reason to all of these

Sweetness is what I like most
And you showed it freely to me
Letting me fall again
Allowing myself to a new heart break
Helplessly trying to deny the feeling that conquers the very inside of me
I am now intentionally not minding my love for you for reasons we both know
Desperately hiding the feelings so it won’t show…