“cause all of the stars are fading away
just try not to worry, you’ll see them someday
take what you need and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out”

Needless to say, I am hurt today. I hate to feel this. I don’t want to cry nor be in pain. But, there’s no escaping anymore. It’s here already. You know, the feeling where you feel so down and you want to tell the person who caused it but you just can’t because you don’t want another fight to crack up? It sucks, literally and figuratively. And sometimes, it just doesn’t make any sense for the person won’t even give a damn of what you’re trying to say. Big headed crack ups usually do that and I hate it. I hate it BIG time! It pisses me off, actually.

For the most part, I am here to rant and I won’t feel sorry for this. I just need some outlet, I need to let this out. I’m tired of bottling things up. I’m tired of not being heard. I’m very tired of keeping everything inside me and pretend I am okay. Well, hello world! I’m not okay. I hate it when people don’t give a damn of what I am trying to say because hey, I listen to you even if it can get really ridiculous at times! Why do you have to treat me this way? Why do you keep on pressing an issue which, in the first place, doesn’t exist anyway? Well, world, why can’t you just be happy that I’ve reached out to you? Why do you have to think some silly stuffs and think of it negatively? Because for Pete’s sake, I was just trying to reach out to  you with no bad intention or whatsoever you would wanna brand it! Tell me, world, do I need to be triggered just to be nice to you? Do I need a concrete reason to start treating you nicely? Why can’t you just be thankful that at last I’ve realized my mistakes and have treated you nicely for the very first time in months! Why do you have to be very complicated, world? Why can’t you just be happy for I’ve changed?

Well, maybe you’re just the same old world I’ve came to know - the complicated one who thinks that you’re always right and that no one can ever prove you’re wrong; that your ideas are very ideal and should not be contested. But, hey, world! I just want you to know that I’ve changed already. I’m really sorry but I can’t put up with  your games anymore. I’m not planning to and will never intend to play your game again. I will never be the girl who would show up in your doorstep and pretend that everything’s okay because in reality it’s not. I won’t be that someone who would just smile to hide the pain. Those acts were just plain stupid, I’ve realized. Now, I don’t care anymore. Take me or leave me, I’d still be the joanmarie that have been shaped up by the past but have been built stronger by the person I am today.