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“cause all of the stars are fading away
just try not to worry, you’ll see them someday
take what you need and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out”
Needless to say, I am hurt today. I hate to feel this. I don’t want to cry nor be in pain. But, there’s no escaping anymore. It’s here already. You know, the feeling where you feel so down and you want to tell the person who caused it but you just can’t because you don’t want another fight to crack up? It sucks, literally and figuratively. And sometimes, it just doesn’t make any sense for the person won’t even give a damn of what you’re trying to say. Big headed crack ups usually do that and I hate it. I hate it BIG time! It pisses me off, actually.
For the most part, I am here to rant and I won’t feel sorry for this. I just need some outlet, I need to let this out. I’m tired of bottling things up. I’m tired of not being heard. I’m very tired of keeping everything inside me and pretend I am okay. Well, hello world! I’m not okay. I hate it when people don’t give a damn of what I am trying to say because hey, I listen to you even if it can get really ridiculous at times! Why do you have to treat me this way? Why do you keep on pressing an issue which, in the first place, doesn’t exist anyway? Well, world, why can’t you just be happy that I’ve reached out to you? Why do you have to think some silly stuffs and think of it negatively? Because for Pete’s sake, I was just trying to reach out to you with no bad intention or whatsoever you would wanna brand it! Tell me, world, do I need to be triggered just to be nice to you? Do I need a concrete reason to start treating you nicely? Why can’t you just be thankful that at last I’ve realized my mistakes and have treated you nicely for the very first time in months! Why do you have to be very complicated, world? Why can’t you just be happy for I’ve changed?
Well, maybe you’re just the same old world I’ve came to know - the complicated one who thinks that you’re always right and that no one can ever prove you’re wrong; that your ideas are very ideal and should not be contested. But, hey, world! I just want you to know that I’ve changed already. I’m really sorry but I can’t put up with your games anymore. I’m not planning to and will never intend to play your game again. I will never be the girl who would show up in your doorstep and pretend that everything’s okay because in reality it’s not. I won’t be that someone who would just smile to hide the pain. Those acts were just plain stupid, I’ve realized. Now, I don’t care anymore. Take me or leave me, I’d still be the joanmarie that have been shaped up by the past but have been built stronger by the person I am today.
I just came across this site today and took this personality quiz. I agree to some of the results. But not all, though. 
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren’t interested in wasting time with people you don’t really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You’re a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you’ll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don’t succeed. Don’t give up when you haven’t yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
Is it really me? Or is it just the world?
Everything’s running so fast in my world right now. I can’t even tell which one’s the sad part or the happy part. It’s so fast that everything’s a blur when I look out at the horizon. What’s happening to me? Am I the one who’s fast? Am I pushing the accelerator too hard? Am I rushing things?
People have misunderstood me. They think I’m just lazy for not acting like I should, for wishing the things I shouldn’t have. But then if you’re in my shoes, if you’re in this situation, would you still go? Would you still allow things to let it be? I’m sick and tired of it all. I’m done pretending. I hate every little thing about it. You may think I’m blessed, that I’m lucky. But if you just know. If you’ll just take a look at my situation, maybe then you’ll say that you are indeed luckier.
If you’ll ask me what I wanna do right now, I just want to pause everything. I want to pinpoint which one is good and which one is bad. I want to analyze and look back on the things as to why the present is happening this way. I want explanations. And I want to end something that should’ve end long long time ago.
joan marie salahid
I am very happy to announce to you that finally, I have acquired my little place in the web!
I’ve finally decided to buy my own domain and hosting at Syntactics Incorporated. Finally, my dream came true! This site is the continuation of my wordpress-hosted blog and I am sorry to tell you but my other blog won’t be available anymore as I will be using this from now on. Yet, rest assured, everything will still be as it is; contents will still be written by ME and I will still continue to free my mind from the hustles and bustles of life. Do not worry, I will still re-post the articles I wrote there.
Moreover, I would like to thank the people who made this possible for me. Thank you Syntactics Incorporated for helping me buy the domain and rent a space in your server. Thank you Robert Steve Paolo Dejesica (Sync’s Chief-Technology-Officer) for setting up my hosting and domain so I could use it. Thank you Joseph Mercado (Sync’s Web Team Leader) for the “future” help if I’ll encounter some problems with this site. Thank you also for the readers and for those who placed my blog on their blogroll and to those who helped my previous blog rank in Google. Yeepee!
THANK YOU!
-xoxo-
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